And Then There Were 5…

“I cannot control exactly what happens in life, but I can control how I respond to it all. In my response is my greatest power.”

I saw this quote on someone’s Instagram page today and thought it was so fitting for the nature of this post. Life can really throw you some curveballs sometimes, and how we respond to them really define what kind of people we are and how we best handle the speed bumps and potholes in life (I have car insurance on the brain…omg).

I have to say, I brainstormed quite a bit for this post. I want to convey what I want to say as “me” as possible, which is with happiness, positivity, kindness, sensitivity, and empathy. I really try to encompass those traits into my being and my everyday way of life. I’m very aware that certain subjects are prone to stigma and susceptibility. That being said:

I am 6 weeks pregnant.

The initial shock has worn off. We weren’t planning on having any more babies. We already have two girls and we were good with that. Life had different plans for us and our little family though. Now that the reality has sunk in, we’re overjoyed and so excited to welcome another bundle of joy into our lives. I have loved this little one since the second I peed on that stick and it said positive; this little one that is literally the size of an orange seed right now. And speaking of size…

I am very enlightened to the fact that announcing pregnancy so early (or even in the 1st trimester at all) has a lot of weird energy surrounding it due to the higher risk of miscarriage in this fragile period. I acknowledge this sensitivity with my full heart, and with that same heart I know that speaking up now is what is right for me.

I naturally and very readily wear my heart on my sleeve. Sometimes this can be to a fault, but most of the time it has really helped me in my life. I am an open book. Vulnerability is okay and I am not ashamed of it. I feel like I am transparency by definition. I don’t feel the need to cover things up that are emotionally difficult. Doing so makes me feel pent up and anxious. I hate feeling that way. It’s like my insides are shaking and I can’t make them stop. As I type, I feel a weight being lifted. I feel that brokenness is not mean to be done alone. Loss is a part of life, as painful as it is. I’ve experience exponential loss. It’s something I feel is so important to teach our children from a young age. There is a way to explain things to little ones so they understand, so they aren’t as shocked or devastated as they may be if things like loss weren’t explained to them. This is the very reason we’ve already begun talking about the new baby to our girls. As a mom, I am here to protect, of course, but to also educate and demonstrate the type of person I want them to be. I want them to know that sharing things emotionally is a positive thing (and I’m all about positivity), not something we need to cover up or shroud in secrecy. People tend to feel like it must be better to keep quiet about things such as a lost pregnancy or the potential that it could happen, instead of surrounding themselves with support. I want all the support I can get. I have a gut feeling that this pregnancy will work the way it’s supposed to, but just in case it doesn’t, I know all of you will be here for me, and I need that.

Aside from that more deep and serious side of my announcement, the lighter side is that there are so many beautiful things happening to me and the developing baby right now and I want to share it!

It’s exciting and it’s not something I wish to bottle up and keep to myself. I think it’s incredibly interesting that there’s already a spinal column forming, facial features such as ears and eyes already developing, a two-chambered heart that beats, etc. I have been blessed with the gift of life within me for a second time and I want to embrace it for all it’s worth. I want to talk about it, vent about my nausea/heartburn/fatigue/backaches (and boy do I have nausea), and welcome all of you readers who are my family, friends and acquaintances to share in it with me. ❤